Ep # 185 - A New Jersey Divorce Lawyer On Protecting Fathers And Kids

Most dads do not walk into a custody case thinking clearly. They walk in thinking they are already doomed. Bergen County family law attorney Carrie Schultz says that fear is common, understandable, and often wrong, but only if you stop guessing and start building a real plan.

Doug Drohan sits down with Carrie Schultz, owner of Schultz and Associates Law Firm and the MFR Practice for Men’s and Fathers’ Rights, to talk about what New Jersey custody law actually says, how it differs from the cultural hangover of “mom automatically gets the kids,” and why the practical reality in court can still involve bias and optics. We also dig into the difference between divorce cases and non-marital custody and child support matters, plus how parenting time schedules get built in real families. Schultz breaks down why custody is never “plug and play,” what judges often worry about when siblings are involved, and how the best interest of the child should drive every decision.

We also cover the messy parts people avoid: the brand-new custody statute that is already creating confusion, the spike in divorce and domestic violence issues during COVID, and the moment when a case crosses the line into revenge. Schultz is clear that she will not take cases where someone wants to use children as leverage, and she explains why that mindset backfires. Finally, she lays out a client-friendly process designed for transparency, faster communication, and cost awareness, including remote consultations by Zoom, phone, or email.

If you know someone facing divorce, child custody, parenting time, or child support questions in New Jersey, share this conversation and help them get informed. Subscribe to the podcast, leave a review, and tell us what topic you want tackled next.

MFR Men's & Fathers' Rights Divorce Lawyers / Schultz & Associates, LLC
Attorney Carrie S. Schultz, Esq.
55 Hudson Street, Hackensack, NJ, United States, 07601
(201) 880-9770
theteam@schultzfamilylaw.com
mensrightsdivorcelaw.com

Transcript

Welcome To Good Neighbor Podcast

Intro/Close 0:00

This is the Good Neighbor Podcast, the place where local businesses and neighbors come together. Here's your host, Doug Drohan.

Doug Drohan 0:11

Hey everyone, welcome to another episode of the Good Neighbor Podcast. I am your host, Doug Drohan from the Bergen Neighbors Media Group. And today we have a special guest. This is a, you know, out of 180 plus episodes, I've had some attorneys on the show, but never someone who uh focused primarily on men and fathers, men's and fathers' rights. And that's why I'm really excited to talk with Carrie Schultz. She is the attorney and owner of the MFR Practice for the Men's and Fathers' Rights, the Schultz and Associates Law Firm based in Bergen County. Carrie, welcome, welcome to the show.

Carrie S. Schultz 0:44

Thank you so much. Excited to be here.

Why A Firm Focuses On Fathers

Doug Drohan 0:47

Yeah, thank you. So you're an attorney, you're a family attorney, and um, there are plenty of matrimonial law attorneys in New Jersey. Uh, what is it about MFR that's a little bit different than your average family or divorce attorney firm?

Custody Bias Then And Now

Carrie S. Schultz 1:04

Yeah, well, it's a it's a great question. One of, of course, I get all the time. And obviously, the it's in the name, right? Um we we devote our practice and focus on helping men. Good men and and fathers get through a very challenging time in their life with divorce and family law issues. And what I mean by family law is because sometimes it's not a divorce, sometimes it's just a relationship gone gone south, and we have some child uh custody or child support issues to to talk about. So um, yeah, so we we really um have niched the business to help men and fathers. Uh, we found that sometimes there's not a a place where they feel comfortable and they can go to to have somebody really understand what's happening and and what to expect. And we just wanted to let them know that there's a place that they'll be seen, heard, empowered, and we can help them navigate through this.

Doug Drohan 2:02

Yeah, you know, when you and I first talked, um, you know, I'll show my age, but I remember Kramer versus Kramer. Sure. And, you know, the I think that one of the key takeaways from that film was that how Dustin Hoffman was really involved in his son's life, but uh the mother tends to get, you know, the deference from the law that, you know, she gets custody because she's the mother and she knows better than than the father, even if the father was the one who is primarily raising the child. Have things changed since the 1970s? Since you know, yeah.

Carrie S. Schultz 2:36

Oh, yeah. And and I'm glad you brought that up because I also just want to make it clear from the onset we are not uh by any means a woman-hating law firm. That's not that's not what this is. I'm a woman. That would be that would be ridiculous, right? Um, but what this is is just really to focus in on the men and their needs and their desires and their wants. And to answer your question, a hundred percent it has changed. Um, and I always say to everyone the law says that neither party shall have a greater entitlement to the children than the other. It doesn't say automatically 50-50, but it does say neither party shall have a greater entitlement to the children than the other. So what that means is a lot of um, now we all we all live in the real world, right? So a lot of fathers think, oh, she's the mother, I'm dead in the water. I can't, I I'm never, she's going to get the kids as as if it's an inevitable conclusion. And that is just simply not true. So when they come to our firm and me, we explain this, we talk them through it, we we kind of enlighten, enlighten them to say, wait, whoa, whoa, whoa, what made you think? You know, because yes, back in the days of Kramer versus Kramer, it was like that. Now, I'm not gonna sit here and lie and say I don't also live in the real world, and there are still some biases and optics and things that you have to deal with, especially in the court system. I I I can't say that because I that would be lying. Um, but the law technically, I always talk technical and practical, right? The law technically doesn't give one parent greater entitlement than the other. Now, how you execute that and how you implement that out into the court system or in in the in the in the divorce matter is a whole separate conversation.

Doug Drohan 4:20

Got it. So when somebody thinks of divorce, you think, oh, I I um like if you're an attorney, oh I I'm a divorce lawyer. But there's a lot of different things, as you just alluded to with child custody, so many different things that go into a family law practice, right? I mean, there's a di I is there a difference between I guess there is, right? Family law and divorce law. Um, you know, when you go through divorce, is certainly the pre-divorce, the decision to actually we're we're dissolving our marriage after how many years, then there's the actual divorce proceedings, and then there's post-divorce. Um, you know, like what are the different nuances that go into having a family, you know, law practice that you have?

Carrie S. Schultz 5:02

Yeah. Um, so like I said, the we're in New Jersey, so the court system here is divided. There's the there's a system and a process for people who are married who need to get divorced or want to get divorced. And then there's a different part of the courthouse for people that were never married but have child support or custody visitation issues. So they run on separate tracks, right? So that's why we say it's it's it's weird because we say divorce and family law, and a lot of people are like, wait, isn't that the same thing? Yeah, but in our court system, it's structured a bit differently. So that's why we distinguish it like that. Um, but yes, there's all sorts of things. So um a lot of um, you know, prospects come to the firm and they're not even sure they want to go down this road. Or sometimes, unfortunately, the decision is taken out of their hands and the spouse wants the divorce or wants to end the relationship. So we will walk them through not only the the transactional part of all of this, but I always like to say we we want to be a bit more transformational. Like, let's workshop through what this looks like if you don't do anything. Let's workshop this through what it looks like if you do do something. What are your goals at the end of the day? What do you want to have? What can we can we um fantasize a little bit about what your life would look like after all of this? And it's not all doom and gloom by no stretch of the imagination. Right. Um, I we always like to say, you know, people that are in this uh uh situation, they're they're in a rough spot, right? And but they're already unhappy. There's clearly a break somewhere. So people say, Oh my gosh, you do divorce, it must be so disappointing and sad. And yes, it's it is, it's all those things. And we help people lead to a better life. We lead people to a better life because clearly something's not unhappy, right? Yeah, unhappy, yeah.

New Custody Law And Custom Schedules

Doug Drohan 7:02

Yeah. So, and then when it comes to child custody, child support, certainly the dynamic of the age of the children has a big impact on on how things play out, right? I mean, and the number of children. Is there is there ever a case where I mean, I I wouldn't feel good for the for the kids, but if they split like, okay, you get him and she gets her, and I mean, or is it usually that you try to keep the children together, or is it the so there's a there's a brand new custody statute out, believe it or not.

Carrie S. Schultz 7:32

Oh, it's probably about 30 to 45 days old at this point, and it's causing havoc in our industry. I'll just say that. Um, it's it's the legislature did it, it's very poorly written, it's kind of contradictory. Well, not kind of, it is contradictory, and everyone's trying to figure out what it means, how to navigate it, how to execute it. Judges are confused, so it's a whole bro within the industry right now. But um, to your point, yes, um, the child's preference, their safety, their best interest is always paramount. Um and you know, we we just want to look at looking at the family as a whole um and making sure that everyone the the children need the best of both parents. That's really what everyone is their their mission, their goal is. And so how can we make that happen? And the way to make it happen, there's no one way for any family. It can't be. This isn't a plug and play kind of thing. It's everything is customizable. So I've had custody arrangements, yes. One parent takes one child, one parent takes the other child. Is it prefable? Probably not. Like, you know, a lot of judges believe they you don't want to um break up the siblings because that's there's a bond, an emotional and psychological bond there as well. But I've had parents do one week on, one week off. I've had parents flip it in the middle of the week. I've had parents structure, I mean, all sorts of creative arrangements, right? The the the criteria to think about is what is going to work for your particular family.

Speaker 3 9:05

Yeah.

Carrie S. Schultz 9:06

And what is what what helps the children thrive?

Doug Drohan 9:10

Okay.

Drawing The Line On Revenge Tactics

Carrie S. Schultz 9:11

Not what mom or dad wants or is convenient to mom or dad, but what will actually make this successful long term.

Doug Drohan 9:18

Well, do you find that somewhat a challenging part of your job sometimes when it's an acrimonious divorce and they hate each other and they just want they're out for blood and you have to remind them, hey, you got kids.

Carrie S. Schultz 9:28

Yes. And listen, our firm is really premised on um, I I really won't take a case if one parent, if my per prospective client wants to use the children as leverage, I won't, I won't even take a case like that because it that's just not that person is not in the right mind frame. This is not, this is not, we don't do revenge law.

Doug Drohan 9:50

Yeah.

Carrie S. Schultz 9:51

But we're not in that business.

Doug Drohan 9:52

Even though it's probably more profitable because it's more billable hours, more fighting, more time. Yeah.

Carrie S. Schultz 9:56

So well, well, listen, and and there's plenty to fight about. Don't don't get me wrong. There's plenty of emotional aspects, emotions going on in other parts of this divorce. We've got the money, we've got, but if someone comes in and says, you know, I'm gonna get I'm gonna get him or her back and I'm gonna use the kids to do it, or they're showing that most people don't come right out and say that. Um, or they're showing behavioral signs that that is what they're trying to do. Yeah, we're we're out, we're out. Um and and I will of course have a very important conversation with them about you know why that's inappropriate and perhaps they need to expand their thinking a bit. Um, because we don't want to do damage. This is already tough for the kids. We don't want to do any further damage.

Carrie’s Path Into Family Law

Doug Drohan 10:40

Yeah, yeah. That's great. I mean, I mean, in a you know, when I'm bottom line driven business, but it's nice that you're the uh the partner and the founder of the firm. So you have that autonomy, I guess, to say that. Well, yeah. I I want to go um back away, so I could cue up some music. So at what point in your life uh did A, you want to become an attorney? You go to law school. Did you always know you want to get into family law and become a divorce attorney, or was that something you discovered that you wanted to focus on while you were in, you know, in school? Or like what took me through your journey of getting toward you today?

Carrie S. Schultz 11:19

So the real story, I don't mince words, the real story is that I grew up, you know, I was an only child with a single mother, and my mother said to me, Carrie, you should be a doctor or a lawyer. Okay. Because those were back then, those were the two choices, and she wanted to meet me to be successful and in financially independent and all the things. So I said, Great, I'm gonna be a dentist. I had I really wanted to be a dentist.

Speaker 3 11:43

Okay.

Carrie S. Schultz 11:43

And I don't know why. I had family who's dentist.

Speaker 3 11:46

Anyway, there you go.

Carrie S. Schultz 11:47

Um, and I ended up going to college. My first class, first semester was chemistry. And about an hour later, I called my mother and she said, How did it go? How was your first day of college? University of Florida, go gators. Um, and I said, Well, it it went great. I just went and dropped chemistry, and guess what? I'm gonna be a lawyer. So there we have it. Um and and then luckily enough, because I'm a child, an only child, and a child of a very acrimonious divorce. Um, my parents got divorced when I was very young, and and it was difficult. Um, family law and divorce came very naturally to me. And I have, again, my extended family, a bunch of lawyers, a bunch of judges, the whole nine yards. So it it kind of just also resonated with me very inherently, like in my blood almost.

Speaker 3 12:38

Yeah.

Carrie S. Schultz 12:38

Um, and so I went to law school, um, did the whole thing, and then had to find a practice area. And of course, I mean, you know, they were teaching stuff in law school, and you know, they were telling us about case law and things like that and how to think, and it just came so naturally to me, like, well, yeah, you know, best interest of the child, of course. And and I think I have a unique perspective because I was that child.

Speaker 3 13:02

Yeah, right.

Carrie S. Schultz 13:03

I watched it all happen, and um, so I can really resonate with what's what's going on in these cases.

Doug Drohan 13:10

Yeah. So before you started your own practice, you worked for another firm out of college, right?

Carrie S. Schultz 13:15

Yeah, yeah. I worked for a few.

Doug Drohan 13:17

Yeah, okay.

Carrie S. Schultz 13:18

I worked with my uncle, who is a very prominent matrimonial law attorney in uh Morris, Sussex area. Okay. And then I I moved closer to the city to Manhattan. And so I I planted roots in Bergen County, worked with another very, very prominent matrimonial attorney, um, learned, learned the ropes, and um, it was wonderful. Everything was wonderful, got great training, and then decided to uh open my own shingle.

Doug Drohan 13:42

Yeah, yeah, and then focus on men's and uh fathers' rights.

Carrie S. Schultz 13:46

And that came later in the business. That didn't happen right out of the gate, but that came later.

Doug Drohan 13:50

Okay. Okay. So how long has your firm, the MFR, been in practice?

Carrie S. Schultz 13:55

Uh since 2018. We we launched we launched the niche in 2018 after a lot of um soul searching about, you know, why am I doing this? What do I want to do? Who do I want to help? Um, what impact in the world do I want to have? And this is it, this is how it came to be. And um, you know, I it's a long story I won't get into, but basically I found the divorce papers. I was 30 something years old, and I had fine, I'd find found the divorce papers from my parents' divorce. It wasn't it wasn't a Jersey divorce or anything, but it was so surreal seeing my name and writing and as like the child, you know, every a lawyer's right very lawyerly, the child. Um, but what it did show me is that what I was told growing up was not necessarily accurate. And um it sort of blew my mind. And I'm estranged from my father. Um, and so there was a lot of miscommunication going on um back then. And I, of course, I was young, I I had no say in anything. Um, and I realized, okay, this this this could have been done better.

Speaker 3 15:06

Yeah.

Carrie S. Schultz 15:07

This could have done been done better. So how can I do it better? Oh, and here we are.

COVID’s Impact On Divorce And Safety

Doug Drohan 15:12

Yeah, yeah. So is um so 2018, so 2020 comes around. Is it true that COVID was a was a good uh time for divorce attorney business-wise? Because you know, there's the there's a line from um from Ben from Paul McCartney in the wings, band on the run, and he says, stuck inside these four walls, sent inside forever, uh, never seeing no one nice again. But you know, when everybody was stuck at home together, and when you maybe, as a marriage, you had your one hour in the morning together, then you went off to work and you came back at six, seven, eight o'clock, you know, you weren't around each other as much. Now all of a sudden you're atop of each other day after day, hour after hour. Did divorces go up during that time, or was it actually the opposite where people found love again because they were you know with each other 24-7?

Carrie S. Schultz 16:06

I'd like to say the latter, but it's the former. So um, yeah. So listen, it was a horrible human tragedy, of course. Um, but yes, it was um our business grew 40%. Domestic, unfortunately, domestic violences were up. I think, I think, I think it forced people to face certain realities that they had been able to hide behind work or hide behind schedules and practices, and you know, and it it kind of brought all this the stuff to the surface because now you're right, you're stuck in the four walls and you have to face each other, and there's everything's closed, right? There's not much to do but face the reality. So um I I have somebody, I'm not gonna take credit for this saying, but it's a great saying is that you can evade reality, but you can never evade the consequences of reality.

Doug Drohan 16:58

Uh yeah, yeah.

Carrie S. Schultz 17:00

And that's really, in my opinion, what COVID did. It just it just accelerated what reality already was there, but no everyone wanted to hide. Yeah.

How The Firm Communicates And Supports

Doug Drohan 17:08

Wow, yeah. So what um, so you're not the only one in your practice. Um, there are others that work with you that other attorneys. And while you while you talk, I'm gonna go off camera for a second because I have to plug in my computer, but keep talking and I'll be right back. Yep.

Carrie S. Schultz 17:24

Don't ask a lawyer to keep talking. We will just keep talking forever. Um, so yes, I um I it's myself, I have um a team of attorneys, I have a uh whole uh staff um infrastructure. Um we're pretty great with processes and systems, and our law firm really um, you know builds itself on full transparency to the client. A lot of clients, you know, their number one complaint about lawyers is they don't get back to you, you left messages, nobody's telling you what's going on. Um, we've built some systems and and mechanisms within the law firm to make sure that never, ever that happens. In fact, it's a pet peeve of mine. I hate when people leave me hanging. So I don't ever want to do that to anyone else. And we make sure we have, you know, that you the the client is fully apprised of what's going on in their case. I mean, it's it's their life, it's your life, right? We're here to guide you, to give you advice and our expertise. But at the end of the day, we make recommendations, you make decisions.

Doug Drohan 18:25

Yeah, yeah. Well, that's that's a nice thing to know because my wife was just complaining about some other physical therapy practice that are actually an orthopedic, and um, she's trying to get a hold of them because they didn't call on the prescription that she's been waiting for for two days and she can't get anyone on the phone.

Carrie S. Schultz 18:43

It's so frustrating, right? So frustrating.

Doug Drohan 18:45

Yeah, so you know, you hate to feel like you're just you know, and this is a Bergen County practice, but I guess they're so big they don't pick up the phone. So it's great to hear that you guys do that. Yeah. So what what's the process? Like, what how does somebody contact you and then take us through the process of what it would be, you know, if someone is considering divorce or they've been forced, their hands have been forced. Like, what how do they reach you? Where are you guys located? And then walk us through the process.

Consultation Steps And How To Contact

Carrie S. Schultz 19:13

Okay. So um, first I'll start with where we're located. We're at 55 Hudson Street in Hackensack. It's literally directly across from the courthouse.

Speaker 3 19:22

Yeah.

Carrie S. Schultz 19:22

Um, and we have parking. Everyone says, Oh, you have parking. I said, Yes, we have parking in Hackensack. Um, but you can reach us by so many methods. We have a website, uh, men's rightsdivorce law.com. There's phone numbers, there's text messaging. We have a AI bot that can communicate with you by text. Um, and what you'll do is eventually hit our intake department who will just make sure that you meet the criteria. You know, we want to make sure your case is in New Jersey, jurisdiction is correct. We need to run a conflict check. So there's some, again, logistics, just easy breezy, but just to make sure you're in the right place, right? We don't want to waste anyone's time or energy. So, um, and then you will be set up with your initial case evaluation. It's complementary with our director of client engagement. There is a a seat deposit, but that is fully refundable when you complete the uh evaluation.

Speaker 3 20:17

Okay.

Carrie S. Schultz 20:18

Um, and that person will get your backstory and all the things and your wishes and your goals. And if you proceed to um continue on with us, that information gets turned over to your legal team, your managing attorney. And then you'll have an all things legal strategy call. So the great the great, we do, I told you, we do things a bit differently, right? You can always tell by the name, right? The reason we do it that way is because when you hit the lawyer, you're on the clock, and we're very cost aware of our clients wanting to save some money, right? So we don't want the lawyers spending the whole hour first getting the backstory. You're on the clock. So tell the backstory to our director of client engagement who's gonna take diligent notes and and then hand it over to the legal team. And then when you're it hits the legal team, you're you're locked and loaded, you're ready to go deep right into strategy, right into the the lawyer's expertise.

Doug Drohan 21:13

Oh, that's great. That's great. So um maybe we could save this for another podcast, but I think you have a book. Uh, we could talk about that. Uh, what to expect. Well, kind of what you were obviously, it's in a book. It's a lot more involved than what you just said in the last 60 seconds, but you know, what to expect during divorce, the men's edition. And as you said, it's not just men, you know, you're not a women hating, um, women hating club. And I I, you know, again, I'm gonna show my age, but I think there was a little rascals episode with that the he man, he man's women haters club. Um, yeah I'm it's going way back. But um yeah, anyway, you uh happen to be on this book, you're it's a a guide for you know men and what to expect during divorce. So we could talk about that another time, but uh once again the Phone number from your website. Um, if someone wants to contact you or your firm, it's 201-654-4263. Uh, they don't have to drive to Hack and Sack initially uh to have a consultation, right? It's yes.

Carrie S. Schultz 22:14

In fact, everything, everything is basically remote. We do Zoom face-to-face uh initial case evaluations. Everything we do with you is email or or Zoom conference or telephone. There's very little inconvenience to go through go through and work with our firm.

Doug Drohan 22:29

That's great. That's great. All right, Carrie, this is great. Uh you have anything else I I didn't ask you or that you wanted to add?

Carrie S. Schultz 22:37

No, I just want to let everyone who's listening first thank you for your time. And second, listen, I I'm a firm believer that there's no harm in a conversation. If you're if your gut, you're saying, oh, something's not right, I don't know what to do, I I need to protect myself, I don't know about the money, the kids. Don't assume, don't please don't go to chat GBT, don't go to AI. Please, please, please. There's no harm in a conversation. Just call us, let's workshop it through. And then, and then again, you don't have to proceed, you know, but but at least you'll educated. Get educated. That's the only thing I can recommend.

Doug Drohan 23:13

That's great. That's great advice. Well, I'm gonna have Chuck just say goodbye, and you and I'll be right back. Thanks for having me.

Carrie S. Schultz 23:18

Okay, thank you.

Intro/Close 23:19

Great. Thank you for listening to the Good Neighbor Podcast. To nominate your favorite local businesses to be featured on the show, go to gnpbergen.com. That's gnpbergen.com or call 201 298 8325.